Checklist… what to bring for your child’s first day at day care…

Welcome… first time and returning parents to All Star Early Learners.

Here at All Star, we offer you a safe and holistic learning space for you to drop off and leave your child with complete strangers for the first time… ever… like ever since they were born and left your body…

We have put together a comprehensive checklist for parents to help them prepare for your child’s first day, particularly those parents who are struggling to let go and can’t possibly fathom that another human being could competently look after your child.

  1. Write their name on EVERYTHING. Write it on their nappies, in bold font. First, middle and last name just incase there is another Harrison Robert Woodlands attending this centre and just to be sure, HRW on the front. You can’t be too careful.
  2. If they say pack 4 nappies, pack 10… If they say don’t forget his sippy cup, make sure it’s the cleanest, best, biggest, most obvious god damn sippy cup the world has ever seen, because the idea of your child going thirsty without anyone knowing is just… unacceptable. And write his name on it, and add a name sticker just to be sure.
  3. Initiate a little push and shove at home just to see how your child will respond should he get pushed and shoved whilst out in the unknown territory of the playground. Teaching them to snatch and grab toys from you won’t go astray either.
  4. When the educators say, ‘drop and go’ AFTER saying goodbye to your child, what they really mean is ‘drop and run’, muttering a mumbled goodbye before you scurry off, because if that kid cries while your there, YOU ARE IN DEEP S@*t.
  5. Feel free to sit in your car, crying hysterically, calling your mother and your husband as you watch your happy child play through the gates for 45 minutes after you have dropped him off. Don’t be ashamed when the Centre Manager comes out and asks ‘Are you ok? He will be fine’.
  6. Purchase an abundance of coloured macaroons for the child to snack on once you have picked them up at the end of the day. When you arrive for pick up, that child will refuse to acknowledge you in any form and will only go to dad, as he remembers that you where the ass hole parent that dropped him there at the beginning of the day.  Once he has demolished 6 of them, and has been lovingly coaxed by his dad to say ‘ love you mummy’… he will come around…


Love you my boy.Welcome to the big bad world.Lets hope they are ready for you 🙂



He talks… He walks….. He slaps

See this gorgeous little thing…. This beautiful little cheeky Angel… He is amazing… Take a good look, but don’t get too close… Or he will slap the crap out of you, laugh his little ass off and proudly walk away.

You see, my boy is now 15 months old, and he rules our little world. Harrison does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. But we wouldn’t have it any other way… As his slaps are slowly becoming bites…


He is my big hearted little koala baby, very much mummies boy at the moment….with Daddy’s little facials, and Denis the Menace’s tendency to innocently break most things he comes into contact with.

He is exhausting…And I’m loving every minute 😊 xxxx

Love you baby xxx

We made it! Our baby is One…

Your daddy and I have just ran the most amazing marathon…. Well that’s how it feels.

We have seen things running this marathon that we could never of imagined. Some of it we don’t remember being in a haze of exhaustion… And some, the most beautiful sights a human being could imagine…

Everything about us has changed. Our relationship, our friendships, our beliefs, our priorities and our view on life.

Luckily for us we had the most fabulous cheer squad on our sideline, who advised us, supported us and cheered us on. Some of them even ran parts of the marathon for us so that we could have a rest.

And my darling, it’s only now, tonight, the eve of your first birthday, that I realize it’s not a marathon at all…

We are living a life all over again, through the eyes of a beautiful boy. A boy that has parts of me, and parts of the man I love more than anything… And he is the most perfect thing.

You are my heart, my love, my everything.

Happy birthday my sweetheart x


2015 Hazzylutions

*At 6:45pm, December 2014… you sat on my lap, looked up to me and said.. Mumma… My resolutions for 2015 are to roll on my belly and back, to eat real person food, to walk, to start swimming lessons and most importantly… to say Mumma…

To which I replied, you go Glen Coco, you go…
(I don’t think you will get how funny this line is as when you read this, the movie it was written in will be over 30 years old… MY GOD)
Anyhoo… you are ripping through them at a scarily fast rate… its only Jan
Rolling on your belly and back.. CHECK
(I do have videos of you doing these things but I’m too much of a tight ass to pay for the Premium package so I can’t upload movies, so ask me when you read this and ill dig them up… from wherever we store movie files in 2035… MYYY GOODDD)
Eating real Person food…CHECK
Growing a full moustache… Check…
Cannot wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for you my beautiful boy xxx
Mummy lesson: Don’t put an old dusty bib on a baby whilst feeding him pureed food…
*This story could be heavily embellished

So this is Christmas… what have you done!!!!

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
You peed on my toothbrush
Like a mini spray gun.

And so this is Christmas
You can roll on your tum,
You kicked me like a ninja
And I fell on my bum

A very merry Christmas
You’re getting big son
You eat pureed food now
And a full bottle when you’re done


And so this is Christmas
What did Santa Claus bring?
Just a towel and a cuddle
Cause the wrapping’s more interesting

A very merry Christmas
It was a lovely summers day,
Loved seeing the family
Oli, Luca and Rosie Mae


And so this is Christmas
Now in the car we go
Off to Nannies and Poppies
All your presents in tow



You’re our blessing this Christmas
You’re our world and our joy
Merry first baby xmas

Happy new year my boy xxx



Please explain…

NOV 29th 10:34pm, glass of red in hand, sitting next to dad watching the soccer, Harry sound asleep in his bassinet…

To my dearest Hazzy Bear,

One day, my beautiful son, you will turn 21.

Moi, yo mumma, will give you a birthday card with nothing written in it except the web address to this blog.

Because here, my blue eyed beauty, I will write to you for the next 21 years of your amazing life.


I’ve always wanted to write something of value, something that deserved to be told. I just didn’t know what to write about. It seemed like every story that could possibly be shared had been and I couldn’t think of anything I cared enough about.

Then one day I was lucky enough to become your mumma. I knew the only story worth telling was the one your dad and I were lucky enough to help you with…The story of you xxx



You are my love, my life, my reason for living.

Happy birthday my darling.