Welcome… first time and returning parents to All Star Early Learners.
Here at All Star, we offer you a safe and holistic learning space for you to drop off and leave your child with complete strangers for the first time… ever… like ever since they were born and left your body…
We have put together a comprehensive checklist for parents to help them prepare for your child’s first day, particularly those parents who are struggling to let go and can’t possibly fathom that another human being could competently look after your child.
- Write their name on EVERYTHING. Write it on their nappies, in bold font. First, middle and last name just incase there is another Harrison Robert Woodlands attending this centre and just to be sure, HRW on the front. You can’t be too careful.
- If they say pack 4 nappies, pack 10… If they say don’t forget his sippy cup, make sure it’s the cleanest, best, biggest, most obvious god damn sippy cup the world has ever seen, because the idea of your child going thirsty without anyone knowing is just… unacceptable. And write his name on it, and add a name sticker just to be sure.
- Initiate a little push and shove at home just to see how your child will respond should he get pushed and shoved whilst out in the unknown territory of the playground. Teaching them to snatch and grab toys from you won’t go astray either.
- When the educators say, ‘drop and go’ AFTER saying goodbye to your child, what they really mean is ‘drop and run’, muttering a mumbled goodbye before you scurry off, because if that kid cries while your there, YOU ARE IN DEEP S@*t.
- Feel free to sit in your car, crying hysterically, calling your mother and your husband as you watch your happy child play through the gates for 45 minutes after you have dropped him off. Don’t be ashamed when the Centre Manager comes out and asks ‘Are you ok? He will be fine’.
- Purchase an abundance of coloured macaroons for the child to snack on once you have picked them up at the end of the day. When you arrive for pick up, that child will refuse to acknowledge you in any form and will only go to dad, as he remembers that you where the ass hole parent that dropped him there at the beginning of the day. Once he has demolished 6 of them, and has been lovingly coaxed by his dad to say ‘ love you mummy’… he will come around…
Love you my boy.Welcome to the big bad world.Lets hope they are ready for you 🙂