The occupations of our 4 year old…

The Businessman from 1962:

Mum: oh no the wheel on this trolley is broken

H: is the man going to fix it?

Mum: why can’t the woman fix it?

H: it’s hard

The Professional WWW Wrestler:

H: mum I’m going to smash your belly

The English Teacher:

H: mum I eed…

Dad: it’s you NEED

H: no Dad…I eeeddddd

The Jokester:

H: daddy, I like your nipples.. ( Harrison laugh out loud)

H: mummy, you’ve got a big bat butt.

The Professional Casanova:

H: mummy you’re so pretty.

M: that’s sweet Harrison.

H: Mummy am I pretty? I’m prettier than you Mum.

The Humanitarian:

H: mummy, the cows are getting wet… can you help them?

The Debating Master:

Dad: no it’s not…

H: yes it issss

Dad: no it’s not…

H: (singing): no it’s not, yes it is,no it’s not, yes it isss

Happy 4th birthday to my Jack of all trades xxx



The Umbrella Lady

Third of February, 11:12am 2018

My darling Harrison,

Much to your dismay, you and I were caught in torrential rain on our way to the park, forced to sit it out under a shop awning and watch the rain pour down.

We would have weathered that storm, and done it together… our circumstances weren’t dire, we were safe and all would have been well once the rain had passed.

But she had driven past,and felt compelled to come back… a stranger offering us an umbrella and a lifeline to get home dryer than we would have,had we run all of the way home… just because… well I don’t know why to be honest but perhaps just because she could…

She ran back towards her car after giving us that umbrella and assured me that she had plenty so I could keep it… and I noticed there were two kids in her car looking on.

I wonder if her kind gesture had an impact on those young children…

All I know is that I was reminded of two things today… genuine kindness is far too rare and one of the most precious things you can give another human being. But also to never forget that my child watches and learns from me.

Everyday my darling, I promise to endeavour to be your umbrella lady… and make sure you watch me be the umbrella lady to others… whenever my circumstances allow for it

Thank you to that lady today. A fellow Mum, a fellow resident… and a beautiful and thoughtful human being.

Never forget my dear boy, that the smallest acts of kindness can have the most profound effects on people.

Love Mum xxx

Terrible threes and a turd…

Happy third birthday to you baby boy…. 

You’ve had a big few weeks…. turning three and spending your birthday celebrating with your friends at ‘big school’ eating the blue cupcakes mumma and nana made you the night before…

Then off to Dubbo zoo with mum and dad….

And home in time for our ‘cold turkey’ potty training….

​Don’t worry… I won’t upload any pics… but it’s important for you to know that on several occasions, you’ve asked dad and I to sing happy birthday to your Willy because he has turned two… which we didn’t… 😂 
Happy birthday my angel x 

Life lesson: if it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down (from dad…obvs)


Harrison has a girlfriend…

Today I walked into daycare and saw you sulking on a little chair all by yourself.

I panicked and scurried over to you, kneeling down so that I could look into your little face…

What’s wrong bubba?

His teacher chirped into our conversation stating… ‘He’s sad because his girlfriend was just picked up by her parents’…

I smiled politely and walked you over to your school bag thinking to myself… I doubt it lady…

I packed you up into the car and you said… ‘Mumma, GiGi goonneee…. saaadddddd.

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!…. Who is this Witchy Woman!!!! 

It’s the beginning of the end…

Checklist… what to bring for your child’s first day at day care…

Welcome… first time and returning parents to All Star Early Learners.

Here at All Star, we offer you a safe and holistic learning space for you to drop off and leave your child with complete strangers for the first time… ever… like ever since they were born and left your body…

We have put together a comprehensive checklist for parents to help them prepare for your child’s first day, particularly those parents who are struggling to let go and can’t possibly fathom that another human being could competently look after your child.

  1. Write their name on EVERYTHING. Write it on their nappies, in bold font. First, middle and last name just incase there is another Harrison Robert Woodlands attending this centre and just to be sure, HRW on the front. You can’t be too careful.
  2. If they say pack 4 nappies, pack 10… If they say don’t forget his sippy cup, make sure it’s the cleanest, best, biggest, most obvious god damn sippy cup the world has ever seen, because the idea of your child going thirsty without anyone knowing is just… unacceptable. And write his name on it, and add a name sticker just to be sure.
  3. Initiate a little push and shove at home just to see how your child will respond should he get pushed and shoved whilst out in the unknown territory of the playground. Teaching them to snatch and grab toys from you won’t go astray either.
  4. When the educators say, ‘drop and go’ AFTER saying goodbye to your child, what they really mean is ‘drop and run’, muttering a mumbled goodbye before you scurry off, because if that kid cries while your there, YOU ARE IN DEEP S@*t.
  5. Feel free to sit in your car, crying hysterically, calling your mother and your husband as you watch your happy child play through the gates for 45 minutes after you have dropped him off. Don’t be ashamed when the Centre Manager comes out and asks ‘Are you ok? He will be fine’.
  6. Purchase an abundance of coloured macaroons for the child to snack on once you have picked them up at the end of the day. When you arrive for pick up, that child will refuse to acknowledge you in any form and will only go to dad, as he remembers that you where the ass hole parent that dropped him there at the beginning of the day.  Once he has demolished 6 of them, and has been lovingly coaxed by his dad to say ‘ love you mummy’… he will come around…


Love you my boy.Welcome to the big bad world.Lets hope they are ready for you 🙂


Harrison’s first potty poo… 

Today my little love nugget left his own little nugget in his potty.

After a few weeks of adamantly stating NO to potty time, and 45 minutes of potty time today involving cashew eating, IPad playing and you willy flipping…you did it!

And you proudly said to me, mumma I did poo poo… stood over it, pointed at it, squatted near it to get a closer look…

I took a picture of the poo to show dad when he got home…he won’t let me post it though and is making me delete it as we speak. What a party pooper…. ha ha ha pun intended.
Something tells me toilet training may take awhile… might be another bog blog entry in the not too distant future… 😉

You are the best kid, you make life so much more fun and all of your ‘firsts’and little victories feel like our own xxx

Love you little man x

Harrison turns 2… 

My beautiful son, three days ago you turned two. We had a lovely day at Monkey Mania with daddy in the afternoon. You ran around like a crazy person for hours… 

Where does the time go…
You also told the coffee lady that you were tawentie when she asked how old you were… And everyone else there after just to give us all a good laugh… 
Where does the time go…

Yesterday our closest family and friends met at our local park for afternoon tea to celebrate you and to celebrate life. Birthdays are a wonderful thing. They allow for you to reconnect with the people you care about the most and for those people to stop and reflect on how much better their life is with you in it, just like we did yesterday. I can’t remember life before you… Perhaps because the true purpose for my existence started the day you were born…

Where does the time go…

Love you my little man xxx 
Happy birthday my darling boy xxx